Weekly Mothering Challenge: Find Your Rhythm

Every family has its own rhythm, its own pattern of getting through each day, week, and season. And rhythms change, sometimes frequently, based on the ever-changing needs of little ones and the natural cycles of the seasons and of family life.

Sometimes it takes experimenting with different rhythms and routines to determine one that best suits your family; and sometimes it takes more closely analyzing current schedules to unravel the best rhythm. Are there some days that seem calmer, happier, simpler? Are there other days that seem more chaotic and stressful? Take a look at the calmer days and figure out what is happening--or not happening--on those days and try to create a family rhythm around it.

Perhaps some days are more stressful because of too many outside activities and commitments and you might want to incorporate more home time. Or maybe the opposite is true: maybe you are spending too much time at home and need scenery changes each day. Maybe your stress comes from too many homemaking tasks, like laundry and cleaning, food shopping and cooking. If that is the case, perhaps you can tap into a support network of family and friends for help; devote certain days to laundry or batch cooking/freezing while Daddy or Grandma take the kids; outsource some of these tasks if possible; or just let go of some things. For example, neatly ironed (or folded for that matter) clothes are not a priority for me, so my kids and I wear wrinkles and Daddy's work clothes are dry-cleaned.

Our rhythm is characterized by mornings spent reading and playing, often baking then eating followed by an outside activity (park meet-up, homeschool playgroup, museum visit, nature walk, library visit, class, etc.). We then return home for a mid-day nap/quiet period where I can *sometimes* get a leg-up on laundry or dinner. Afternoons are usually spent outside with friends or at a class, followed by dinnertime, then bath, books, bed. Our rhythms have hiccups as well. Toddlers who choose not to nap, chores that pile up, cantankerous little ones who are difficult to motivate--all of these things can disrupt daily rhythms.

The key is to find a simple, sustainable rhythm to your day, try to let it guide your actions and the choices you make on how to spend your time, expect interruptions and "off" days, and be open to change your family rhythms as needed.

Below is a sample grid that may help you to get started with plotting your daily and weekly rhythms. I encourage you to avoid timestamps and instead use this worksheet as a helpful daily guide rather than a set planner. (Click on the image to enlarge and print and adapt.)

Weekend Simplicity

There might come a time when our kids' passions for a particular sport or activity may consume our weekends, but for now weekends here are simple. Nothing structured, mostly out-of-doors, and focused on exploring nature and the city, weekends are a time for us to connect and replenish. While not structured, weekends certainly are full. Hours spent leaf-jumping, nest-building, learning and connecting keep us busy.

With Daddy's long consulting hours and travel, our weekends are devoted entirely to family. There are temptations--intriguing classes or activities for the kids that could lure us and distract us from our treasured family time--so we strive to stay focused on centering our weekends around family.

Simple, full, family weekends. Pure joy.

Seven

There have been a few coincidences over the past week. Last Friday, I announced the giveaway for Mary Ann Hoberman's children's book, The Seven Silly Eaters, a family favorite amusingly highlighting one mom's attempt to satisfy her seven picky eaters. Then a few days later, I received some comments on one of my posts from a (real-life) mom of seven, Miiko, that I found fascinating. I was so intrigued by her comments, mainly by her observation that after three kids it gets easier, that I implored her to tell me more.

She obliged and allowed me the privilege of sharing her fascinating insights:

"When I had one little one I tried to do my absolute best to understand her and when I had two I did my absolute best to be fair. When I had three there really wasn't enough me to go around. It took some time for me to process that I wasn't falling behind or failing. It took time for me to realize the wealth my incapabilities offered my babies. You know how three can be. It's outnumbering! In a nutshell four and onward means that there's always someone on your team. There's always a helping hand. The kids are forced to grow together in such a tight unit that they really empathize well too. They develop a natural desire to grow up and be productive and responsible. That and the fact that all the hard work you did to set the tone in the home with the first three kids does not go to waste. When kids are born into a home where all the kids wash their hands before dinner, as soon as the little one can walk to the table she just wants to line up with the gang to wash her hands before she sits down."

While it's unlikely that I would have seven children, I do find that in many ways mothering is easier with more kids, particularly now as my oldest nears age five and is more helpful and involved. I still maintain that going from zero to one was the most difficult, and in many ways two to three children has been easier than one to two because the two older ones entertain each other and the younger one goes with the flow.

I thank Miiko for her thoughts on family dynamics with seven children, and it's inspired me to give away SEVEN copies of The Seven Silly Eaters book! Victoria, Annie, Patti, GriffinsMama, Urban Schooling, HollyElise, and Basbusa'sMama-- click on my profile link on the sidebar to email me your postal information and watch your mailbox for the book!