Wide Open Days

There is something very special about bright and warm spring days spent almost entirely outdoors. Taking advantage of wake-up temperatures already in the 60s, we headed outside early with a fully stocked picnic basket, books, and a plan to spend most of the day playing outdoors, in nature.

We spent a long while in a quiet corner of nearby Harvard Yard. My littlest one napped in the fresh air while the big kids climbed trees, played hide-and-seek in the shrubs, and made up their own creative games underneath shady branches and in hidden corners in front of old buildings.

While picnicking, we said hello to a passing acquaintance and her children. She remarked that she had been neglectful in not planning well for this April school vacation week and was seeking ways to fill their days to stave off boredom. As I write this week about "natural learning" ahead of Sunday's Earth Day celebration, this conversation reminded me of a fantastic quote in Richard Louv's book, Last Child in the Woods: "We need to draw an important distinction between a constructively bored mind and a negatively numbed mind. Constructively bored kids eventually turn to a book, or build a fort, or pull out the paints (or the computer art program) and create, or come home sweaty from a game of neighborhood basketball."

As parents, we can sometimes be overly-focused on making sure our children's days are fully enriched with dynamic classes and activities to keep them from being bored, when, in fact, boredom--and the important ability to overcome it independently--can be an even greater lesson for our children. I think that if we parents can overcome our anxiety about our children's potential boredom and unstructured time, then we will see that children have an amazing talent for making their own play, for finding interesting ways to occupy themselves, for unleashing their imagination -- especially outside, in the natural world, on warm, wide open April days.

Louv reminds us how important it is to understand and embrace boredom. He states: "Most of all, children need adults who understand the relationship between boredom and creativity, adults willing to spend time in nature with kids, adults willing to set the stage so that kids can create their own play and enter nature through their own imagination." There is so much to do on these wide open April days, so much nature to explore, so many trees to climb, so many opportunities to create, to wonder, to dream.

10 Natural Parenting Commitments

I find that sometimes, in the bustle of everyday life with three little ones, I can get distracted from the parenting and homemaking practices that are most important to me.  So I am writing down my most important natural parenting commitments, those practices that are central to the philosophy of our family life, in the hope that they remain top-of-mind even among all those distractions.  Here they are, in no particular order.

Top 10 Natural Parenting Commitments:

1. It is important to me that I parent with love, respect, responsiveness and gentleness.
2. It is important to me that I listen to and understand my children's needs.
3. It is important to me that I facilitate my children's natural curiosity and encourage them to learn and grow in their own way, in their own time.
4. It is important to me that I model the behaviors I expect from my children.
5. It is important to me that I position family at the center of our lives.
6. It is important to me that I feed my family wholesome, homemade, mostly-organic, preferably local, real food.
7. It is important to me that I trust my powerful maternal instincts, especially when making decisions about my family's health and well-being.
8. It is important to me that I strive to live more sustainably, seeking ways to treat the earth with greater care and thought.
9. It is important to me that I make my home a greater source of production, rather than exclusively consumption.
10. It is important to me that I continuously question, challenge, and inquire to reveal what is best for my family.  

What might your list look like?  Have you written down a mothering mission statement or a set of commitments that guide your parenting?  What impact has it had?

Instinctual Parenting

It seems we've lost our way. It seems that somewhere over the past century in America, as technological advancements, increased industrialization, and focused specialization promised to make our lives easier and simpler, they led us away from our own voice, our own instincts, and in so doing made our lives more complicated and stressful. Nowhere is this more obvious than in parenting.

Rather than trusting our own instincts and listening to our babies, from birth to toddlerhood and throughout childhood, we began abdicating control and losing touch with our natural wisdom. From placing control of our pregnancies and births into the hands of obstetricians and hospitals, to believing that babies should sleep through the night, to trusting large food conglomerates to feed our families, to relying on others to care for and teach our children, we have weakened the power of home and family and muffled our own parenting instincts.

Reconnecting with our instincts, listening to our inner voice and the needs our children so clearly communicate to us in their own way, can guide us back to trusting ourselves. It can help us to question the origin of some of our beliefs and expectations, and filter the barrage of "expert" advice. Who says my infant needs to learn to self-soothe? Who says children need to sleep alone, away from mommy and daddy? Who says I need to introduce solid food at six months if I don't think my baby is ready? Who says my two-year-old needs to learn to be independent from mommy? Why should I give my toddler time-outs? Why should my five-year-old get a dental x-ray for no apparent reason? Why should children be made to sit still and listen when their natural instinct is to run and shout?

We can learn a lot about reconnecting with our natural parenting instincts by watching our children, watching how they live with full authenticity and trust. Their needs are simple and straightforward, and when we listen and respond to them by trusting our own instincts, ignoring the reel of "should-bes" that rolls through our thoughts, we can experience more joyful parenting.

Trusting our instincts and parenting more peacefully is the topic of a new book just released by two Boston-area moms. The Other Baby Book: A Natural Approach to Baby's First Year, by Megan Massaro and Miriam Katz, helps new parents to trust themselves rather than entrusting others to care for their baby's well-being. A must-read for new parents or others looking to parent more naturally, more instinctually, the book is full of thoughtful insights that help parents to question mainstream parenting beliefs and actions.

What about you? How have you been able to trust or reconnect with your own, natural parenting instincts, even if they run counter to current mainstream parenting practices?

At the beach

When a week-long gift of record-breaking warmth is sent to New England, in March, we embrace it with full gratitude and vigor. Today, as temperatures climbed into the 80s here in Boston, the kids and I hopped onto the subway to a nearby urban beach to soak in this perfect day.

Days like this one, bright, warm, full days when my children can dig, and splash, and build, and wander--especially when the calendar has us shaking our heads--make me truly grateful for the freedom and flexibility of a homeschooling lifestyle.

They also remind me how, in just a few short months, my children have grown. Instead of eating sand, my youngest is now digging in it. Instead of racing off fearlessly into the ocean, my three-year-old first dips in a toe. Instead of building sand castles according to her own rules, my five-year-old considers ways to involve her little brother. Lots of changes since October.

And yet, they are still little, so little. Too little to fully appreciate the gift of a March beach day in New England. Luckily I can.

That's More Important, I Think

That's More Important, I Think

by Kerry McDonald

The toys are strewn, the carpet is messy,

The dishes mount in the sink;

But my children are playing, and laughing, and jumping,

And that's more important, I think.

My clothes are not ironed, there is chalk on the wall,

The laundry is starting to stink;

But my children are drawing, and skipping, and smiling,

And that's more important, I think.

The beds are not made, the counter needs wiping,

The toddler has just spilled his drink;

But my children are building, and painting, and digging,

And that's more important, I think.

The carrots need chopping, the floor needs a sweep,

The baby has slept not a wink;

But my children are reading, and climbing, and dreaming,

And that's more important, I think.

The vacuum needs running, the bathroom a mop,

But this time will be gone in a blink;

So I sit and I linger alongside my children,

And that's more important, I think.

Have you "huggled" today?

Welcome to the February edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama. This month, participants have looked into the topic of “Fostering Healthy Attachment.” Please scroll down to the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants. Enjoy!

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I give lots of "huggles," our family's fun word for hugs and snuggles. I always find that these huggles make everyone happier, calmer.

If I am having a rough mothering day, a day when the kids and I are particularly ornery, it's often because huggles are conspicuously absent. If I take a moment to stop, to notice, and then to bring my little ones closer, the mood changes, the day brightens, and we can move forward more peacefully.

Magic, I tell you, these huggles.

Or is it?

It turns out, maybe it's just chemistry. We know the "love hormone," oxytocin, fosters attachment with moms and new babies, and is also the hormone released during labor, breastfeeding, and sex. It brings people together, bonds them, makes them happier, more connected. It's profound, really, how something like a simple touch, a single display of affection, can alter our dispositions and transform a "bad" day into a better one.

These huggles are without question my best mothering trick. And they feel good too.

Join the City Kids Homeschooling Facebook community!

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Visit Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• "Keep Them Close and Let Them Go: Fostering Healthy Attachment As They Grow" — Helen at Zen Mummy wonders how to maintain a healthy attachment as our children become more independent.
• "Honesty (With Your Children) is the Best Policy" — Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children shares how honesty with her children is helping to build an authentic relationship which will last through the teen years and beyond.
• "Fostering Healthy Attachment?" — Momma Jorje discusses how she is building a foundation of attachment with her children and how she hopes it serves them in their lives as they grow into adults.
• Beyond Bookend Parenting — Marisa at Deliberate Parenting describes their efforts to maintain their toddler's attachment to her working parent through play and routines throughout the day.
• Have You "Huggled" Today? — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how "huggles" work like magic in her home.
• Your Childhood=Your Child's Childhood? — Amy at A Secure Base examines the research about how our attachment experience can shape our attachment with our children.
• List-Making Activities to Celebrate Family Connections — Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares some family list-making activities that will help you reflect on what you love about your family and can spark ideas for future family fun.
• How To Keep in Touch With Distant Grandparents — Lauren at Hobo Mama offers several tips to foster connection with relatives who live far away.
• Beyond Bonding: The Power of Positioning in Babywearing — Steffany, a babywearing educator, guest posting at Natural Parents Network, explains how optimal positioning in quality carriers can help babies' physical growth, brain development, and overall attachment.
• Playing Follow the Leader — Zoie at TouchstoneZ has learned that the more she meets her children where they are rather than where she would like them to be, the greater the elasticity of their bonds are.
• The Evolution of Attachment: Parenting Without a Roadmap — Sheila at A Living Family reflects on her family's recent generation of mothers and shares how she is working to make an evolutionary leap towards forming healthy attachment.
• Facilitating Sibling Connection — Laura at Authentic Parenting gives a set of pointers on how to facilitate sibling bonding.
• The Farm in my Bed — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses fostering children's healthy attachment to "lovies" and comfort objects.
• My Early Morning Shadow — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares a few ways she maintains a strong connection with her almost six-year-old daughter.

Opting Out

I recently re-read the well-known 2003 article, "The Opt-Out Revolution," by New York Times columnist, Lisa Belkin, and was struck again by this quote: "Why don't women run the world? Maybe it's because they don't want to."

The must-read article discusses the trend of highly-educated, successful women opting-out of high-powered career tracks to be stay-at-home-moms, and the implications of this for the feminist movement.

I am one of those opt-outers. If you had told me in 2003, when I first read this article, that I would be blissfully content as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom of three, I wouldn't have believed you. Back then, with two degrees and running a successful six-figure corporate training business, I was sure that I would continue on the career track, even if I became a mom someday.

And then I became a mom.

And somehow it was strikingly easy to shutter my business, say farewell to my clients and paychecks, and immerse myself in full-time motherhood.

I realize the privilege from which I speak: urban, educated, married, middle-class. I realize that it was the feminists of the last century, the trailblazers, who led the way for me to have the opportunity to go to college and graduate school and become an entrepreneur. And I realize it was also those feminists who gave me the choice to eventually opt-out.

It is those early feminists for whom I am thankful when I think of the opportunities that will be available to my own daughters as they grow into adulthood, as they pursue their dreams unfettered by the discrimination and limited choices offered to women not so long ago, and as they someday, I hope, realize the unparalleled rewards of motherhood.

Motherhood Is Messy: Wear Black

I have found that one of the key elements to happy motherhood is acceptance. Rather than be surprised that my little guy used me as a human napkin, I should have known better than to wear white when going out for a pasta dinner. I should have known that the marinara sauce might sting his face and he would need to wipe it off RIGHT NOW and that my sweater might be closer than his napkin. I should have known.

Now certainly we parents should redirect behavior (no, dear, mommy's sweater is not a napkin; here's yours), but the reality is that kids are just being kids and to parent peacefully we shouldn't fight these natural childhood tendencies, but rather anticipate and calmly manage them.

That is, we should wear black. Or at least not white. For a pasta dinner.

Have you heard of Authentic Parenting? I know a lot of you have and that it inspires and informs your parenting style. (Here is a nice article to learn more.) Authentic Parenting recognizes a truth about childhood: that children have authentic, legitimate, real needs that we parents must address to live peacefully with our children. It recognizes that children are not being intentionally malicious, or deceitful, or annoying. They are not doing things specifically to "push our buttons" or make us unhappy. Their needs are authentic and they are trying to communicate their needs in the only way they know how, often through their behavior. It is up to us as parents, I think, to recognize our children's needs as pure and authentic, to hear what it is that they are telling us, and then to address their needs. Most often with young children, their authentic needs relate directly to basic needs. They are hungry, tired, or uncomfortable. They need more attention, more affection. They need to feel safe and loved. They need to run around outside, or sit quietly and read a book. They need to play with others or spend some time alone. These are basic, authentic needs that we parents must continuously monitor and meet.

Sometimes meeting these needs is challenging. Sometimes it's inconvenient. Often it's messy.

We should wear black.

Beyond Time-Outs

I used to give time-outs. When my oldest entered toddlerhood and began pushing buttons and testing limits, I used time-outs. I thought that was the responsible thing to do, lest my child grow up to be wild and unruly with no respect for authority. But they never felt quite right, those time-outs. They always seemed reactionary, as if I relied on them because I knew no other way.

At the peak of toddlerhood with my oldest, with a new baby in the mix, I felt like we got stuck in a behavior-punishment cycle. I was frustrated, I raised my voice more than I wanted to, and time-outs were sprinkled throughout the week. I didn't like it. I didn't like the pattern we were caught in and I wasn't sure how to end it. But I knew it had to be me who ended it.

So I did. I stopped all time-outs. And I never looked back.

I realized that my parental frustration was rooted, not in my child's behavior, but in my own perspectives, emotions, and expectations. I made a concerted effort to change the way I parented, to make my home more child-centered, to let go of being steadfast in wanting things to be done in a certain way at a certain time, to be more proactive in recognizing and minimizing the conditions that might lead to my kids misbehaving.

As I began to become more mindful of my parenting approach and more focused on creating a calmer, more peaceful, more child-focused home--without time-outs and other arbitrary punishments--I found that the overall tone of my home changed. The kids were calmer. They didn't fuss or whine as much. They didn't "act out" or "press buttons" as often. And I began to really enjoy motherhood so much more. I realized that I didn't need to mold my kids into perfectly-behaved, obedient tots. Instead, I needed to recognize their childhood needs, their childhood rhythms, and learn the ways in which their behavior communicated these things to me.

It was up to me to listen, to learn, to change. Not them.

It may seem radical to give up time-outs in favor of more gentle discipline, more peaceful parenting. Sometimes to break a cycle of behavior that makes us frustrated and unhappy takes radical change, and it's up to us as parents to initiate this change. It's up to us to take a time-out, catch our breath, recognize what we might be doing wrong, and try our best to do things differently going forward.

"You've Got Your Hands Full!"

I hear this statement multiple times a week, which always slightly baffles me because (a) my kids are *usually* not acting like a handful when I get this comment, (b) I am *usually* not flustered or disheveled or otherwise bedraggled at the time, and (c) three isn't really all that many kids.

As the fabulous posts for next week's Family Size Blog Carnival roll in (yes, there's still time for yours!), I continue to reflect on our family's size. What I keep coming back to is how, for me, having only one child was much more of a handful than having three. Much of the challenge with one was rooted in my own lack of experience, confidence, and perspective. I thought for sure that those newborn nighttime fussy periods would last for decades, that potty training would forever make me a captive in my own home, that my toddler would never eat a green vegetable. All of these concerns took up a lot of mental energy, energy that with more kids naturally goes elsewhere.

With one child, there was a lot more boredom, a lot more endless winter afternoons, a lot more time to stew over my parenting approaches and question my tactics. With more, I gained knowledge, trust, and perspective, but I also gained helpers and my kids gained playmates. Days got busier, fuller, more fun, more rewarding. I learned to let go of the silly little things that once irked me, like toddler nightwaking or picky eating. I learned to take better notice of the passing of time with my little ones. I learned to remind myself that even on those tough mothering days, those days when nothing seems to go smoothly, that I chose this job, this privilege of mothering three precious people, and it's up to me to do it right.

"Yes," I answer to the passersby: "Full and fulfilled."

10 City Parenting Must-Haves

When I was expecting my first child, I bought all of the wrong things. The things I had, I didn't need or they weren't practical for the city, and the things I didn't have I really could have used. So here's my list of city parenting must-haves. What would you add to the list?

1. Ergo - Really any baby carrier is crucial for getting around in the city, but I tried a bunch and the Ergo is my favorite for its ease, versatility, and durability.

2. Light-weight stroller - When I was first pregnant, I got caught up in those fancy "travel system" strollers that in the end I barely used. I think these would be helpful if you rely on a car a lot, but for primarily pedestrian parenting, go with a light-weight, easily-collapsible stroller for convenient bus and subway rides. I like Maclaren.

3. Subway/bus pass - Here in Boston, the CharlieCard is a city parenting must-have and kids under 12 are free on public transportation.

4. Museum memberships - Choose your favorite museums and buy memberships early to save money later. Most memberships pay for themselves after only two or three visits.

5. Practical diaper bag - Another area in which I made lots of mistakes early on is the "diaper bag." There are oodles of options available to parents, but in the end I have found that a backpack works best for me for our city adventures. I like the large backpacks from Vera Bradley because they are spacious and machine washable.

6. Library books - We bought a LOT of children's books when we were expecting our oldest that quickly consumed our small city space. While we still love owning our favorite books, we now rely much more heavily on our local library.

7. Reusable snack bags - Whether you make them yourself or buy them, reusable, cloth snack bags are handy and helpful for city excursions.

8. Hand sanitizer - With all that scurrying around town, on subways, and through museums, it's helpful to keep some hand sanitizer with you when good old soap and water aren't available. Here's a nice recipe for homemade hand sanitizer.

9. Child-friendly coffee shop - Scope out the neighborhood to find the most spacious, stroller-accessible, child-friendly coffee shop for your daily caffeine jolt.

10. Peekaru - This is my newest city parenting essential, making it easier to continue babywearing throughout the winter. Today is the last day to enter my blog giveaway to win a free Peekaru by Togetherbe! Click here to enter!!

I'd love to hear your comments about you think are city parenting essentials!

Mommying More

With one week left until the submission deadline for the Family Size Blog Carnival (we can't wait to hear from you!!), it has me thinking about my family's size.

One of the things I find most surprising is how much easier and better mommying becomes with more kids. For me, going from no kids to one was the hardest adjustment, and then each additional child got easier to welcome into our family rhythm. We get in a groove, don't we, once we figure out this mommying gig. We gain confidence, we relax, we let go. We learn how quickly childhood passes and refocus our parenting priorities on the things that really matter. We watch as our children's spirits naturally unfold and we realize that our role is not to build perfect people, but to guide and nurture, listen and love. With this pressure off, mommying becomes more fun, more rewarding, more meaningful--better, easier, happier.

With more kids, I see special sibling bonds emerging and the natural desire of the oldest to watch out for the youngest. I see a little one eager for more responsibility, more opportunities to help out with family tasks. I see a littler one learning negotiation, teamwork, conflict management, and communication skills much more quickly and adeptly than his big sister did at his age. I see a littlest one finding her spot in our family, in awe of her big brother and sister and already determined to do everything they do.

I find mommying more kids to be deeply rewarding and think adding to our family would be lovely at some point. What about you? Won't you join the Family Size Blog Carnival and share your thoughts?

Creating a Culture of Natural Birth

Over the weekend, I organized a first-in-awhile Birth Circle meeting here in the city for local moms and their partners who are passionate about natural birth. We were joined by a Boston-area homebirth midwife who offered her insights and perspectives as each of us shared our birth stories and hopes for future births. Some of the stories were tinged with disappointment, births that ended with invasive hospital interventions that in hindsight may not have been necessary or ideal. Most were inspiring, raw, and beautiful.

One story, in particular, got me to thinking about the true purpose of these Birth Circles. It was from a woman and her husband who had their first baby a few months ago in a natural, peaceful, beautiful homebirth. I am always in awe of women who choose a homebirth for their first child, as it took me until my third to finally catch on. This woman shared that, for her, homebirth was a deep part of her cultural consciousness. She grew up in a culture in which homebirth and natural birth are treated as natural life events, not dangerous medical conditions. Her mother gave birth to her and all of her sisters at home. She saw some of them being born. For her, there was no doubt that her default birth choice would be a natural homebirth.

So why is it that for most American women the default birth choice is a hospital birth? I think it all comes back to culture. For most of us, our cultural messages lead us to believe that pregnancy, labor and birth are scary, dangerous, painful, and wildly unpredictable--events to be closely controlled and managed. Our culture keeps us detached from natural birth; we don't see it, we don't grow up knowing about it, we rely on hearsay and television programming to learn about it. No wonder we're afraid of it.

I see these Birth Circles--in a very small but hopefully meaningful way--as an opportunity to create a stronger culture of natural birth here in the city by bringing together women and their partners to discuss their natural birth hopes and experiences, build community, and reveal the truth about natural birth as a safe, beautiful, powerful, life-changing experience.

Winter Babywearing

With the January chill settling in, I wanted to find a winter babywearing solution that would help keep my one-year-old cozy and not too bulky in the Ergo. We rarely drive our car in general but especially not in winter, and I find strollers can get irritating, particularly in frosty conditions when our city excursions involve dashing in and out from home to playground to coffee shop to museum and so on.

Our frequent movement from warmth to cold to warmth again make babywearing a must for me, and now with three little ones I rely even more on my Ergo to keep a little sister contentedly nursing or enjoying a piggy-back ride while I focus on her older siblings.

This winter, I bought a Peekaru and I love it! Honestly, it is one of the best baby purchases I have made, allowing me to dress the baby in a lighter fleece coverall and then place the fleece Peekaru over me and the Ergo. She stays snug, I can layer a regular jacket over us if necessary, and I can continue winter babywearing without carrying the extra bulk of an infant snowsuit. It's fabulous.

In fact, I love this product so much that I am going to be doing another giveaway in a couple of weeks (just in time to celebrate my 35th birthday!) and will be offering a chance for you to win a free Peekaru from TogetherBe. Visit here on January 28th for your chance to enter!

Afternoon Stillness

With two little ones simultaneously napping, and a big sister off with Daddy to a nearby museum, I found myself unexpectedly free this afternoon. I thought about the laundry I could do, the dishes I could wash, the drawers I could organize, the food I could prepare. I thought about all of that. And then I made a cup of coffee, watched the sunlight move across my kitchen, and soaked in the momentary stillness in an otherwise full day.

It wasn't long, maybe 30 minutes, until my baby girl awoke ready to play, but it was just enough time to relax, take a breath, and re-energize for a busy afternoon in the city with three little ones.

I hope this weekend you can spot some simple moments of still, seize them as moments to just be, to reflect on all the effort and joy of mothering, and recharge for the important work ahead.

Healing Naturally

With four-fifths of my household now sniffly and sneezy (sparing me for now), it got me to thinking about my natural parenting progression, particularly my shift over the years from relying on conventional methods to treat illness to adopting more natural approaches. When my oldest was little(r), I would quickly reach for Tylenol or Motrin and call the pediatrician.

I learned over time this simple truth: the body has a miraculous power to heal itself of common illness if we let it. Now, while making every effort through good nutrition, hygiene, and lots of outside time to prevent illness, I allow my little ones to heal themselves naturally when the inevitable winter cold virus emerges. I do my part to aid their fierce immune systems with lots of fluid, warm tea and good honey, smoothies and soup, quiet days at home, and an abundance of snuggles. And I avoid using products that could potentially interfere with the body's own natural defense and immune mechanisms.

In his classic book, How to Raise A Healthy Child In Spite of Your Doctor, pediatrician Robert S. Mendelsohn, MD, asserts: "Because most childhood illnesses respond to normal bodily defenses that may be impeded by medical treatment, use of your natural skills is usually preferable to those of a doctor in giving your child the help he needs. Moreover, you will play the principal role in helping your child avoid illnesses by providing the wholesome nutrition he needs and by making certain that he avoids the foods he shouldn't have."

The simple and powerful notion, espoused by Hippocrates, to "let food be thy medicine, and let thy medicine be food," really resonated with me. I began to reclaim control over my family's overall health and well-being through good nutrition and natural remedies for common ailments, and abandoned our traditional pediatric practice for a more holistic family medicine practice that was better aligned with our family's health needs.

Certainly there are times when a doctor's advice or a hospital's intervention may be valuable-- life-saving even--but more often than not, we moms can manage common childhood ailments naturally with classic home remedies, time, and lots of TLC. It's time we start trusting ourselves more, trusting our powerful maternal instincts, and trusting nature's wisdom in helping us to heal.

New Year's Resolution

I hadn't thought much about resolutions. I hadn't thought that there was much need to list my small goals for 2012, like learning to knit more than just a scarf or striving to make more time for pleasure reading. But over the weekend, my littlest one who is about to celebrate her first birthday came down with her first cold. It's just your typical run-of-the-mill winter cold, but nonetheless all she wants to do is snuggle and nurse, which of course is exactly what she should be doing and exactly what I want to be doing for her.

These marathon nursing sessions necessarily lead to chores left undone, messes left untouched, and plans left unmet. And you know what? It feels good, this letting go. It feels right to welcome a new year with a new focus on our treasured triad: family, community, nature. And if prioritizing these three important things means letting go of the many unimportant things in our days, then I resolve to do just that.

What about you? What are your resolutions for this new year?

Somehow It Happens...

* that I get longer stretches of quiet in the evenings until the baby wakes for more mama's milk.

* that I can leave the playroom for a bit and return to see my five-year-old lovingly reading a book to an attentive little brother.

* that a baby sister squeals with delight watching her big brother and big sister plunge down the slide at the park, itching to join in the fun.

* that a toddler's imaginary friend who doesn't like our Christmas tree bulbs can change the entire decorating scheme of our holiday tree.

* that my five-year-old teaches me about the ancient volcanic eruption in Pompeii.

* that the third child realizes that if she wants to eat, she had better learn quickly how to feed herself at the dinner table.

* that the oldest watches out for the youngest.

* that onesies are outgrown, boots become too small, mittens don't fit.

* that as they grow, so do I.

Infant Wisdom

It's been a busy holiday week. Our days have been filled with family gatherings, meals with friends, and city holiday events. I was beginning to sense that the week was catching up to all of us. The kids had more moments of crankiness, more short-fuses, more sugar-fueled outbursts. With a Sunday morning brunch and a busy afternoon planned today, holiday overload was kicking in.

As I was nursing my 10-month-old early this afternoon, knowing she was done, I grew impatient that she was still lingering, unwilling to let go so we could move along with packing snacks, donning jackets, and leaving for our next activity. Then I stopped and realized what she was telling me: "mama, slow down and stay."

So we did. After a week of go-go-go, today we slowed and stayed. We shortened our brunch, canceled our afternoon plans, and spent our afternoon together in the quiet comfort of home and family.

Our children teach us, show us, tell us. All we need to do is listen.

Cultivating Calm During the Holidays

The holiday season is full of merriment: lots of entertaining, a busy and prolific kitchen, gatherings with family and friends, nurturing new traditions within our little family, decorating, preparing, celebrating. Full of merriment, but full.

Among all of the excitement and enchantment of the season, I am trying to cultivate calm in my home. At this time of year, kids--and grown-ups--can get so easily over-stimulated and over-scheduled. I am working on finding the right balance between welcoming so much goodness, welcoming so many opportunities to gather together with family and friends, and helping us not get so over-booked that we miss those calm, peaceful moments to reflect on the magic of the season as a family.

Cultivating these calm moments over the coming weeks will take some effort and vigilance on my part. It will take being selective about our holiday happenings, balancing active and quiet times each day, setting limits and altering plans if necessary.

The holidays can become overwhelming for both children and parents. As I embrace the joy of the season, I am watching my little ones, noticing if the rhythm of our days becomes too strained, and cultivating moments of calm amidst the merriment.